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It’s not just some stranger walking up to you on the street and popping
you on the head. When it’s somebody you make love to every night, who’s treated
you like a queen, who loves you to death, and you share every part of your being with him,
and that person turns around and hits you, it’s the most shocking thing. And you know
you have to go, logically, but you know that when it’s good he makes you feel
beautiful, and you love him. So you stay, you just want things to be normal. And then he
hurts you again, and it starts tearing you apart bit by bit by bit. He tells you how
stupid you are and then when you confide in a friend they tell you how stupid you are for
staying, and every time you go back to him you hate yourself a little more.I
was young, I was nineteen when it started, the crazy jealousy. Every time I went somewhere
to get away, he’d find me. Then he’d fall apart, full of apologies. And I’d
go back, I missed him, I missed that obsessive love. I’m twenty-seven now and
I’m just beginning to realize that my whole adult life has been a chain reaction to
that relationship, that fear. It takes away your ability to trust, it takes away your
innocence. |
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